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dudieamor
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Posted on 08/17/2010

only now do I begin to see how my parents must have felt at some of my rather dubious choices with my life....I stand by everyone of them and have no regrets as I believe as morpheous so wisely says what happened had to happen and couldnt have happened in any other way.....well something like that anyway......my daughter has met someone and I dont know him and Im sure most parents dont like anyone who introduces their child to sex but I just have a niggling feeling about him....maybe he really is a nice guy and I fervently hope he is but if he isnt what can I do? luckily she has enough good friends in her life that she has known for years and for that Im truly grateful.....maybe there is something whoever it was who said kill the first boyfriend to keep the rest in line.....



all I want is to be more like me,less like you.....

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Trouble
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total posts: 210
Posted on 08/22/2010

Hmm also in the not parent political group (we had a federal election on Saturday) all you can be is supportive and be a good role model and learn the ways of a ninja - so if things don't work out you can stil be helpful and supportive in other ways :-)



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bonnsterthemonster
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total posts: 1033
Posted on 08/22/2010

I have a son. Thank God. But still, his heart will get broken again as well. All of us get our hearts broken. And we never learn how not to. Human condition. We're all fallible. (sp?). But be smarter, give them condoms and guidance and a good head start. Every bird must leave the nest but they will fly. Love and intimacy allways turns into selfishness and pain, and cycles around. Once you've been hurt you do learn about yourself and get stronger. It totally rots. But if your kids see you survive and you are supportive they too will survive. I like John Candy in Uncle Buck when he talks of circumsising a knat with his hachet. Tee Hee! :)



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dudieamor
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Posted on 08/20/2010

thanks for all the comments esp you wolfsbane your very sweet(shame we only hung out the once) htpn your comments were very helpful plus did make me giggle with the handgun bit.......Im lucky in that she does talk to me and told me she met someone....I wouldnt have dreamt of talking to my parents and still wouldnt tbh...it kills me that she might get hurt and I would give anything for that not to happen but if it does shes got me and lots of her friends around plus we have a big dog that will eat him if he hurts her



all I want is to be more like me,less like you.....

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Noodles123 Recommended
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Posted on 08/17/2010

I speak having no kids...Sadly enough no matter how much you try, warn or remind the only true teacher will be heartache.



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wolfsbane1000
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Posted on 08/17/2010

Not being a parent myself I've never faced that situation. I have heard people say to a parent about certain guys or girls they've been out with "Why did'nt you stop me seeing them?".

Funny thing is they probably did get words of warning at the time but ignored them. It's hard to convince someone as an outsider to the relationship and sometimes more so as a parent that there might be something off about them. I suppose people have to make their own mistakes and come to realise things themselves.

From things you've said your Daughter does seem to have a good head on her shoulders. I guess all you can do is have the birds and the bees talk, make sure she's confident enough to not let the guy push her into doing anything she's not ready for and trust that she'll do the right thing.

I really admire you for wanting the best for your kids Dudie, you're a good Momma :D



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hardtopickname
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total posts: 931
Posted on 08/17/2010

Nature. What are you going to do? You could sit him down and give him the inquisition. One of those nice soft talks about your daughter and how sweet she is and that she's the apple of your eye, tender moments, moments of pride. The set up. End it with the "don't break her heart" but say it with the look in your eye that finishes the sentence with "-if you do, I'll break your legs".

If the talk happens, conveniently, while you're cleaning hand guns, that adds a special touch and an ambiance that can't be beat with a bat.

Of course, realistically speaking, all you can really do is simply be there for her when the breakup happens. Inevitably it will.

One of my daughters is 19. She's been active for a few years now. She lives away and is working her way through university. We've talked very frankly about things since she was 14. The first big breakup was easy to figure out. She went on and on about this guy, who was a nice guy. So after enough badgering on my part about what was going on and why she was so upset and distant she finally admitted what was happening. So like any other occasion we talked about it. Come to find out she was heartbroken over the situation that she was honest enough to admit she caused. They had been a steady item for 3 years. She was the one that strayed. She was also honest enough to admit that she did so purely out of lust. Well that certainly helped us determine that maybe she just isn't ready for a committed relationship. Being in the first few years of college I reinforced the messages from before; use protection always, be safe and more than anything else for Christ's sake, be picky about who you choose to shack up with, don't miss a doctor's appointment and last but not least, would it kill you to pick up a phone and call once in a while!?! (Come to find out, I'm at least 1/6th Jewish Mother.. Who knew?)

Lucky for me I get to pull duty with both daughters and sons. My oldest boy is to be 15 in October. Just like the daughters, he too has the rules, what is acceptable, what is not, what will prevent him from getting a barrel of rock salt in his ass and how to spot a little bit of crazy to save him a lot of trouble.

The best you can hope for is that she talks to you and can tell you what's going on. You, through experience can listen for red flags that she in her youth and inexperience cannot yet detect.

All the best!



Holy crap! We have blog signatures?!?

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IndigoRising
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total posts: 371
Posted on 08/17/2010

Dammit I forgot to kill the first one.....absolutely no chance of keeping them in line now......just as well I have 2 girls :p



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